One thing I have been overthinking all my life is the topic of love. Why do we love who we love? Why is it such a beautiful yet hard thing to maintain? The concept of commitment and how two lovers evolve and still try to make it work. The idea of choice when it comes to love.
The truth is I used to think that love was this feeling that swept you off your feet. You got lost in their eyes or the smile that formed at the end of their lips or how they said your name softly. I was a sucker for details, and my lover was my drug. They were my muse. They were in every corner of my imagination. It was all a very dreamy experience. And while all of these elements were romantic and sweet, it was like flying on cloud nine without ever being grounded.
I think perhaps love should be more pragmatic than that. It’s finding someone who wants to struggle with you because they choose to. They embody love as an action. They understand the importance of nourishing that love. They don’t wait for a magical feeling on a Sunday morning to be there for you—they are there for you anyway, because you’re partners. They are committed to you because they honor the life you built and the effort put in the relationship and not merely because their heart only beats for you.
Feelings are fleeting—they fluctuate and they are not reliable. When we love, we think we’re going to love that person forever. There is the rush, there are the butterflies, there is happiness, but I would rather have a partner who understands that support and friendship is the biggest love of all. It’s what builds that love up. It’s where the real substance is. It’s love put into action and the calm of having a real friend. It’s the beauty of being loved through simple moments by simply showing up.
We should be careful what we place our values on. It’s so easy to think love is this flashy thing or that it is simply poetry or a passionate kiss in a moment of heat. When the noise actually tones down, what do you actually have? What do you give? Are you actually experiencing a mutually loving relationship?